Sunday, July 26, 2009

Broken, but not defeated.

I want romance
but i dont want chains
i want closeness
but i dont want to be only wanted for sex
I want gentleness
but i dont want bitterness
i want fights
but i dont want hatred
Love is pointless
and it only ends in pain
I must be independant
and become stronger
i must not be so hurt by looks and words
and actions and ignorance.
every smile that you fake is so condesending
youve made me a better person but in the process made more scars than i had before.
i had the nerve to love and adore you
and all i recieve is being ignored and only wanted for my body.
you once loved my company and my mind
but it took me so long trying to read you, but now i think i've figured out exactly what book im reading.
the book ive held onto for so long is the one that made me stronger but weaker.
2 steps forward and 3 steps back
you made me to insane
in so many good ways than i used to be.
but ive tried so hard to know and love you
...but you have no idea who i am
...unless its underneath the covers.
i dont want to hurt anymore, but i think i'm addicted to you hurting me.
youve left me in the cold for too long.
i listen and you never do
but i'm asking just for once listen to me
and actually please try to see who i am
would it kill you to get to know me
get to know my dreams
my talents
and why (if at all) i shine to you.
one thing i have to thank you for is how youve shown me what living is for
and how independace is crucial.
cause you can't rely on anyone but yourself
and youve made that very clear.

so from now on, i am independant and no one can change that.
ive always only had myself
cause noone in this world is the same.
i'm going to love myself more than i did before.

Friday, July 24, 2009

Woman like a man..

I'm pretty sure that i drink and smoke to much, yet i sail my way through things alright...
i guess it's just that...
You wanna get boned,
You wanna get stoned,
You wanna get a room like no-one else.
You wanna be rich,
You wanna be kitsch,
You wanna be the bastard of yourself.
You wanna get burned,
You wanna get turned,
You wanna get fucked inside out.
You wanna be ruled,
You wanna be fooled,
You wanna be a woman like a man,
Like a woman like a man.

dirty girl in a clean white dress is how i feel
but i know im innocent

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

stop time for me

I wish i could stop time.
I wish I felt better.
I wish i loved myself like i love you.

You know when you've found it,
(there's something I've learnt)
Cause you feel it when they take it away...

this is me in my white floral waist skirt, i just havnt been able to wear it out through because its winter here at the moment and i don't believe in wearing white A-line skirts with black tights, it just doiesnt look right.
and these are my favorite shoes at the moment, they were cheap-ish and i love the height.
ive never had a brown pair heeled sandles and they go with alot, but yet again they suit warmer weather better.

ciao bella's


Tuesday, July 21, 2009


Im usual...very antique
or very "olde style"
as those who know me (and those
who don't) i am very influenced by history, in the way i think and dress, and latley i'm feeling like dressing very early 1800 inspired (or victorian), I only wish i could wear bonnets, peticoats as long as my ankles, waist belts and bows anywhere i choose....

but unfortunatly 2009 is not so.... Floral designs these days are not very smiled apon in the fashion world, but I'd love to see antique floral desgins come back, with the lace and bow's and all.
long skirts and pretty white, delicate lace blouses over waist skirts

Simple white and decrotive (floral or plain white) dresses, matched with white tights and mary jane shoes (heeled or not)
this can really bring bring back innocence
which is much needed in society


xoxo the way I will dress how i please


We might kiss
It's delicate
We might make love
It's delicate

Why'd you fill my sorrows with the words you borrowed
from the only plave you've known
and why'd you sing hallejuah ...
if it means nothing to you

Why'd you sing with me at all..??

Hello whoever....

I've been feeling so delicate latley

and dressing delicate...


Monday, July 20, 2009


This is the song I wrote for brothers band "the revive puppets"
they'll probably never write music to it but angus asked me to write them a song about a vampire. And i chose to write about unrequainted love with a human. kinda twilight-ish but meh

Taboo --
Written by Emily McAndrew for the Revive Puppets

(verse 1)
I’ve been this way for too long
I never feel safe, this is so wrong
You’ll never see me the way i see you.i crave you every minute but in a way that is taboo.
I hate this feeling but i can’t not being with you.

You can’t breathe the way i do.
You can’t see the way i see you.
Yet, life is nothing without you
But you’ll never love the way i do.

(Verse 2)
If i could die again,
I’d die for your skin
You’re the only one that can touch me
And not be turned away by my sin.
It’s hard to exist, knowing the pain that follows

My life is pointless
And without you...hollow.
I don’t want to teach you to die,
Just want you to dance with me through the halls of time.

(chorus 2)
You can’t breathe the way i do.
You can’t see the way i see you.
Yet, life is nothing without you
But you’ll never love the way i do.

(guitar solo)

You can’t breathe the way i do.
You can’t see the way i see you.
Yet, life is nothing without you
But you’ll never love the way i do.

I hate feeling but i can’t without you
Be there...through and through
I love you through and through

(I’ll try...Try, try for you)
..... kinda shitty but i tried
lovee oxoxox

Sunday, July 19, 2009

loosing faith

I remember it well
The first time that I saw
Your head around the door'
Cause mine stopped working
I want you hear tonight
I want you hear'
Cause I can't believe what I found
I want you hear tonight
I want you hear
Nothing is taking me down, down, down...
Except you my love.

Except you my love...


Come all ye lost
Dive into moss
I hope that my sanity covers the cost
To remove the stain of my love

I wanna hear what you have to say about me
Hear if you're gonna live without me
I wanna hear what you want
What the hell do you want?

I can't deal with this. i feel trapped in worry and anxiety.
i fear im loosing my faith in love and i more than enough evidence to proove that all it brings is pain.
if he leaves me then i can hostenly ay, its all gone, my one true belief will be shattered.
my mother can more than vouch for this aswell.
i fear Emi won't have a love story again.

This is what love feels like..

love feels like pain, hurt, worry, sadness and uncontrolable happiness.

i hate that im in love with love and in love with you.

I can't even figure you out, i wish i could read you like a kids book instead of the silmarillion.

I dont fucking get this anymore?

so unenthusiastic but i need you.

i think my downfall is coming.

its going to be my turn to have my heart ripped to shreds and splattered all over the walls.

i think my pending doom is catching up on me.

I already miss you baby.

Saturday, July 18, 2009



bout to go out on the town. feeling preppy.

love the schoolgirl thing.

Thursday, July 16, 2009

Coco Chanel + Plaid

I've just got bck from seeing the Coco Avant Chanel movie, its so beautiful, I never knew her life was so tragic and she expressed herself through her designs so well. Gabrielle "Coco" Chanel was always different, she always desinged her own style and was very unique compared to the other sheep women of her generation. She never over accsesorised , she was plainly chic and beautiful. I adore her quote:
"In order to be irreplaceable one must always be different"

very, very true and i admire her.
I now have another woman from history I admire and look up to.

On another note, recently I made a high waisted a-line skirt from a little girls blue plain school pinafore, I love wearing it and i'm so sick of plaid skirts being related to sexual things, like "naughty school girls".

Girls these days always wear them so short and on the hips, i think its unattractive...unless of course thats your intention then by all means i'll dress up for my boy anyday haha.

But im loving this cute look, this pic below is most like my skirt, exept blue and little tiny bit longer. need a belt all the time :)

I looove it, im going to invest in more.
xoxoxooxox em

Sunday, July 12, 2009

Don't leave me, but if you must please don't forget me.

It's hard,
Cause when you here someone you love has to leave in a week from now it can break hearts, and it's breaking mine even further.
Distance is something no one likes, no one can help it sometimes though and this time distance needs support.
Some distance may be 3 hours but feel like a world away and no phoneline can touch me like you can, it can't hug and kiss me so i don't feel unstable.
As much it these things don't make sense to me, I do know that it is right for you.
but I made you my whole world by complete accident and now i don't know nor do i want to ever undo that accident cause ive never felt more alive than with you. pain and happiness from extreme to extreme, you are my rollercoaster..exept you hardly ever make me throw up unless the we're on the rollercoaster really wasted.
This is so breaking, ive hurdled so many obstacles with you. if i don't have you to run to im completley lost, no one to wait up for, no one to check on, no one to kiss and no one to scream at in the middle of the night.
i wouldnt change anything about you apart from you moving.
please stay with me because i love you and that's all the excuse i have.
This is no end.
i'll find my way to any door you are behind.

Sunday, July 5, 2009

Come in with the rain

Feeling crappy, ive had a very intense, crazy last few nights. way to much beer and adventures in weird clothes with him, but im home alone now feeling tired and down.
too tired to call your name right now, so know that i'm right here hoping that you'll come in with the rain.

love you

Thursday, July 2, 2009


Heyy nobody,

Who says glasses can't be sexy? anyyyway....

Î've never had a good romantic love experience..everytime ive been in love it has failed and hurt has been all thats left.

im thinking that the boy im with and am insane about is going to break my heart. he makes life his own, he's definatley going to be someone one day and i cant compete.

Anyway ive realised how pathetic and dependant i am lately. i hate not being a normal 19 yr old that has a secure job and life, everythings always changing with my mood i can never stick to anything. and i need a boyfriend all the time, i need someone to be with and hug me and feel close to physically and emotionally

. even though my two best friends are lovely, they have each other and i never have a one close person who is just mine, but therefore i get too dependant on my boyfriend and get hurt so easily.


this is my gorgeous girls mill and court xxxx