hmm...
He is so very confusing. i know he adores me but he is so hard to read. It's like when i was 13 and tried to read the Silmarillian..it was so hard. Does he only wanty one thing? Am I what he really wants? sometimes he's so cold it hurts so bad but then he's so warm and comes so easily to me.
..but he's taking the very best of me...but I love him. ahhhh Im so lost in a forrest of love and hurt and mixed feelings.
I don't get it, am i only good for my mouth? or does he really care what comes out of it when i say how much i give a shit about everything he is and does.
I wear my heart on my sleeve with him, i only wish he'd show his more.
It feels like i know him by heart and he has no clue where i even begin.
He can't defend words he'll never say.
It's horrible when I walk away from him, can't wait to walk up to him again.
How much of a damn does he care?
I just need to hear some words but not the ones that'll mean its my turn to be heart broken.
Fuck, I love him.
Anyway... Seeing as i've quit my job, im thinking of going back too school and doing art and getting student benefit payments. I'd love to do art all day and get payed.
I mean I know it seems lazy but I really would enjoy it and having somewhere to go that doesnt have a dress code, so i could wear what i wanted everyday instead of crappy waitress clothes.
Love Emily
xx
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